Economics is the only field I know of that’s unclear whether or not it’s a mathematical science or a social science. Half of economists think they’re mathematicians but only know how to take derivatives and set them to zero. The other half swear economics has nothing to do with numbers and is all about concepts and human desire.

I just started Freakonomics by Steven Levitt, an award-winning economist who’s afraid of calculus. In the first few pages, he manages to prove that the monumental decrease in violent crime that took place in the late 90’s was due to the legalization of abortion in 1973 via Roe v. Wade.

If that isn’t some bullshit, I don’t know what is. No wonder I was able to fake my way though the major.

PS – If you want to know how Roe v. Wade caused the biggest drop in crime in recorded history, leave a comment, email me, or pick up your own copy you cheap bastard.

Tagged: Stand-up Economist, Economics, Freaknomics, Abortion, Roe v. Wade

First off, let me just say a hearty Happy Valentine’s Day to our readers. Or if that doesn’t float your boat, then Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Now, I’m a nice guy. I don’t smell, I don’t yell, I don’t punch random people in the face: I’m a nice guy. So what did I decide to do today at work? I IMed a couple of friends “Happy Valentine’s day!” Midway through the day, I noticed a trend: the conversations with the guys after said greeting were much more interesting than with the girls. I scrolled up the conversations and realized why.

Eight out of ten girls replied with “thanks! you too!” With the exception of a couple of smilies here and there and my name thrown in once or twice, almost every girl replied with the same boring response… verbatim.

Let’s go over the guys’ responses now (in a handy list format because no two gave the same reply):

• “will you be my valentine?” followed by “where are my flowers, b*tch!“
• “thanks honey, where are you taking me tonight?“
• “shut up“
• “wtf great“
• “the weather is beautiful!” (It is obviously most certainly not!)
• etc. etc.

What can we conclude from this un-scientific, way-too-small-sample-sized, wholly unorthodox survey? Girls are boring.

Boys: 1, Girls: 0. Bring it on.

(In case you were wondering, the other two girls said “Happy Vajayjay day!” and “Happy valentine’s day!“)

Update 1: One of the guys continued the conversation by serenading me. Check the convo after the jump!

[16:09] Clarence: happy valentine’s day!
[16:09] Galen: will you be my valentine?
[16:10] Clarence: of course <3
[16:11] Galen: where are my fl owers, b*tch!
[16:11] Clarence: i think the mailman got caught in the snow
[16:11] Clarence: sorry!
[16:12] Galen: well then call them!
[16:12] Galen: and tell them your valentine needs his flowers
[16:12] Clarence: hahaha
[16:57] Galen: For all those times you stood by me
[16:58] Galen: for all the truth that you made me see
[16:58] Galen: for all the joy you brought to my life
[16:58] Clarence: FOR ALL THE WRONGS THAT YOU MADE RIGHT
[16:58] Galen: HAHAHAHAHAHHA
[16:58] Clarence: LOL
[16:58] Galen: for every dream you made come true
[16:58] Galen: for all the love i found in you
[16:58] Galen: ill be forever thankful baby
[16:58] Galen: youre the one who held me up
[16:59] Galen: never let me fall
[16:59] Galen: im serenading you cause youre my valentine

In case you didn’t know, check out indexed for all of life’s lessons depicted through venn diagrams and simple graphs. Oh, that didn’t sound nerdy at all.

Tagged: indexed

Let’s read it shall we?

Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she’s done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.

But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let’s sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let’s find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I’d really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I’m willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to ‘these people’ trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I’ve gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I’ve had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I’ve lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask. So let’s start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I’m doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Wow. You are truly my “entertainer” Lindsay. Kudos.

via Gawker via Page 6

* I Google-imaged “Lindsay Lohan” for a headshot of her to use for this post. Unsurprisingly I was met with a ton of crotch shots and nipple slips. Oh Lindsay, you’re my hero.

Tagged: Lindsay Lohan

If you thought New York City subways were dirty wait till you get a look at these. The worst that I’ve seen smelled in my daily commute are homeless dudes sleeping across the seats and occasionally some dude carrying his whole life in a garbage bag. This photo is from a subway car in Moscow, Russia. WTF, “Hey lady! The dude next to you has a huge freaking gun!”. I wonder what she’s reading.

According to the Travel Channel, Moscow’s subway system is the best in the world. The pictures over at English Russia make me think otherwise. One day I will travel the world, ride the subways on that list and come up with my own ranking. One day…..

Picture from English Russia.

Tagged: Subways, Moscow, NYC, Travel Channel

News item#2: Facebook gets a facelift. Again, seeing as how everyone and their mother has already heard about this, a post about it was deemed unnecessary. When I first found out about the update, I logged in to see the changes. I was appalled and amused at the same time. I mean, everyone already used Facebook to stalk right? (Don’t lie, you know you do.) This really isn’t that big of a deal. Or so I thought. That is, until I logged in tonight. Here are a few snippets from my home page:

Begin rants
“_____ and ____ ended their relationship. 7:26 pm” Are you fucking serious? Do you really think that’s the way I wanted to find out? I guess if I had a puppy dog crush on either of them, I might be overjoyed and start planning my master plan of becoming Rebound Boyfriend. Too bad I don’t.

I don’t know whose bright idea at Facebook it was to include this feature. That’s just inappropriate. Are you going to keep me appraised of the situation, Facebook? Will you update me with, “____ is wallowing in sorrow. 9:31 pm,” followed by “____ is crying herself to sleep. 1:43 am?” Then why’d you tell me they broke up in the first place? Eff yew Facebook.

Let’s move on to the next item: “____ is no longer single. 4:11pm” I’ll admit, that raised an eyebrow and produced a “hmmmmmmm?” in my throat. Until I realized again how despicable Facebook was. If Facebook were a person, I’d smack it right across its smug, sketchy face. Why would you incite people to poke their noses in other people’s personal lives? Who am I to speculate why ____ is now single?

On a softer note, I don’t care that John Smith doesn’t like The Simple Life any more. Neither do I care that Jane Doe has a newfound love for tea. Frankly, I don’t give a shit. I just want to find pictures of that cute girl I met last night. I don’t want to be updated everytime a friend farts or picks their nose.

Tagged: Facebook, Stalking, Inappropriate behavior, Steve Irwin

The greed driven Forbes magazine recently released a new ranking: America’s Drunkest Cities. They ranked thirty-five large metropolitan areas in the US given available data. Then they used some drunken metrics. And the winner? The honor goes to Milwaukee! I’m hoping the mayor gets a plaque for this title. He/She can hang it on the beer fridge under his/her desk. And nine of the top ten are all northern cold ridden cities. This isn’t surprising as alcohol makes a city buried in snow fun! And as a plus, it also lowers the heating bill!

Some notable mentions:
DC, my current residence, ranked at 20. NYC ranked an unimpressive 32 out of 35. LA’s celebrity infested drunk drivers ranked 23.

Tagged: Drunk, Cities, Drunken Cities

Yeah, you read that right. The reality show, Survivor’s, 13th season will be divided into teams based on race. The four teams will be the “White Tribe,” the “Hispanic Tribe,” the “Asian American Tribe,” and the “African-American [Team]” (no way am I calling them a tribe). Feel free to say WTF right now. I just did.

Host Jeff Probst says the idea “actually came from the criticism that ‘Survivor’ was not ethnically diverse enough.” Apparently, going to the other side of the spectrum was their only logical resolution. “If they think we’re not diverse enough, let’s diversify the shit out of them*”

There is no doubt this new show is going to raise a lot of problems. For example, what happens when the first four people to get kicked off are Asian? Or what happens when the last four people are African-American? That’s not going to be pretty.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to be voting for the Asian team. I keed I keed. Check after the jump for the full cast/team details.

via msnbc, cbs

*Not a real quote.

Tagged: Survivor, Race, CBS

African-American Tribe:

• Make-up artist, Rebecca Borman, 34, from Laurelton, N.Y.
• Jazz musician and recording artist Sekou Bunch, 45, of Los Angeles
• Nursing student Stephannie Favor, 35, of Columbia, S.C.
• Retail salesman Nathan Gonzalez, 26, of Los Angeles
• Sundra Oakley, 31, an actress from Los Angeles

Asian-American Tribe:

• Nail salon manager Anh-Tuan “Cao Boi” Bui (pronounced Cowboy), 42, from Christianburg, Va.
• Attorney Becky Lee, 28, of Washington, D.C.
• Management consultant Yul Kwon, 31, of San Mateo, Calif.
• Real estate agent Jenny Guzon-Bae, 36, of Lake Forest, Ill.
• Fashion Director Brad Virata, 29, of Los Angeles

Hispanic Tribe:

• Heavy metal guitarist Billy Garcia, 36, of New York
• Professional volleyball player J.P. Calderon, 30, of Marina Del Rey, Calif.
• Police officer Cristina Coria, 35, of Los Angeles
• Waiter Oscar “Ozzy” Lusth, 25, of Venice, Calif.
• Technology risk consultant Cecilia Mansilla, 29, of Oakland, Calif.

White Tribe:

• Copier salesman Adam Gentry, 28, of San Diego, Calif.
• Writer-producer Jonathan Penner, 44, of Los Angeles
• Boxer-waitress Parvati Shallow, 23, of Los Angeles
• Performer-roller girl Jessica Smith, 27, of Chico, Calif.
• Pre-med student Candice Woodcock, 23, of Fayetteville, N.C.

Emiliano Mercado del Toro, who was a boy when the United States seized Puerto Rico from Spain in 1898, attributed his long life to a healthy diet and avoiding alcohol.

“I never damaged my body with liquor,” said Mercado, who quit a 76-year smoking habit when he was 90.

No word on how many drugs he did or did not do, but we’re guessing he didn’t inhale.

via BoingBoing

Tagged: Guinness World Book of Records, Oldest Man

Today’s topic: Who’s the Stupider Criminal?

Return to Sender:
Brooklyn teen, Adbullah Date, was arrested last month for throwing crack vials out of his window. Feeling he was wronged, he decided to get revenge by mailing the NYPD an envelope stuffed with white powder and a letter stating:

Ha Ha, [you] thought it was anthrax. F – - – you,… Catch me if you can.

Then he wrote his name, birthday and Hull Street address on the envelope. Needless to say, the 72nd Precinct didn’t have to try to hard to find him. Oh, and yes, you read right. He made sure to include his birthday.

via NY Post

Stolen Identity:
Last week, a waitress at the Moosehead Saloon in Westlake, Ohio, asked a woman to show proof of age after the customer ordered a drink. When the waitress looked at the ID, she realized the customer’s ID was actually her own license, police said.

It turns out that Maria Bergan, 23, had stolen the waitress’s wallet weeks before in a bar. She had already made over $1000 in fraudulent purchases with the stolen credit card. Apparently, she didn’t realize that her waitress was her victim and handed the waitress her own, stolen license.

via The Denver Channel

And now on to the poll:

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Picture from cdw9’s flickr

Tagged: Stupid criminals, Polls