MacBook (Pro)s to be updated at MWSF ‘07

We’ve finally heard back from our sources close to Apple and they have disclosed top-level confidential information to us. The top secret information was smuggled to us by our Cupertino moles on a blood-stained napkin, right before they passed out from blood loss and internal injuries. And here it is, straight from the horse’s mouth, just for you Mac fanboys:

• Contrary to the slew of rumors that Apple has the Merom equipped MacBook (Pros) just waiting in the wings to be released to the anxious, drooling, would-be switchers, Apple is completely foregoing the Merom processors in favor of the Santa Rosa platform. They are doing this for three reasons: everybody else and their mothers already have released Meroms; doing so now would only make them look like copycats (and we all know Apple doesn’t copy anything). Reason #2? Meroms aren’t that big an improvement over the Core Duos. Frankly, the Merom processor just isn’t revolutionary enough for Apple to waste their time on. And lastly, the ever-consumer-conscious Apple doesn’t want Intel early-adopters to feel bad that their Macbook (Pros) are missing that oh-so-sexy deuce.
• The Santa Rosa MacBooks will be released at MacWorld San Francisco 2007. They will have a new form factor as well as a plethora of sexy new features. Unfortunately, the features listed on our list were smudged from sweat and blood stains. The only legible features? The MacBooks will ship with Leopard pre-installed and they will contain NAND solid state hard drives.

Now we all know blood-stained napkins can be forged. Therefore, we went straight to our top industry analysts to confirm the information. After making us swear on our big left toes never to reveal the true identities of “top industry analysts,” they whispered in our ears that these claims are, indeed, fact. Then they disappeared in a puff of smoke, smelling suspiciously of sulfur. Unfortunately, our blood-stained napkin ignited in the sulphorous cloud, and we were unable to snap any shots of it for you.

I guess you’ll just have to take our word for it.

Tagged: Apple, Macbooks, Meroms, Intel, Santa Rosa, Macworld San Francisco ‘07, Insane Mac Rumors